you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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