lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
