Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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