I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
