Why are handjobs necessary in class?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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