Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
