When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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