I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
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I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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