I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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