I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
