People with herpes should wear stickers.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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