Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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