In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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