it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
