I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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