youre lurking in front of me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
