hell yes lets make some ravioli
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
