You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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