My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
