i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
