This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
