Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
