I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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