the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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