new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
