what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
