why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we're so committed to being not committed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
