we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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