So drunk its hurt
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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