I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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