Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
