he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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