He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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