Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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