i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
