i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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