Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
