Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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