Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The air taste purple.
Randomize
