last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
