Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
