Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
