It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
