One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
