Your tits are I can't wait for
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
