If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
