things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
