If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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