pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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