But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
