Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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