so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
