you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
