They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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