Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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