About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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