she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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