I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
