its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
