pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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