Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm at about main and main street
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
