I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
