Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
