just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
